Hermione Granger-Weasley's Guide to Pregnancy As A Plot Device
by engineerwenlock
Summary: Trying to write about a pregnancy but don't want to Google it for fear your mom will get the wrong idea? Annoyed at fanfics that get pregnancy wrong? Well don't worry, because everyone's favorite bookworm is correcting all the pregnancy misconceptions (pun intended) right here. On Star Wars: "Hmmm, six limbs just kicked me at the same time. I wonder if I'm having twins."
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: If I were actually Hermione, I would not be posting here because magic makes electronic devices stop working. I also don't own Harry Potter, so nobody sue me. This story is intended to help fanfic writers get pregnancy right in their stories. I am not a doctor, nor does this story replace medical advice. If youre getting medical advice from the internet, at least go to WebMD. I'll be starting with the most common misconceptions (no pun intended) in fanfiction, and from there I'll take questions and requests. Let me know if I forget anything important or get anything wrong. Please note that some of the opinions expressed here belong to Hermione, not to me, but I appologize if she offends anyone. So without further ado, I present:

 **Hermione Granger-Weasley's Guide to Pregnancy As A Plot Device**

It has come to my attention that someone is wrong on the internet. Well more than one someone, actually. Many of the fanfictions involving pregnancy get even the most basic facts wrong. As I simply cannot stand that, I am writing this Guide in attempt to correct common errors. As I have given birth to two lovely children, I know a fair bit about pregnancy. Not to mention, I read practically every book on the subject as soon as we found out Rose was on the way.

 **Clichés**

I can count on one hand the fanfics about pregnancy that I have read and liked. (Yes, I read fanfiction, although I avoid reading the ones about myself. Particularly when I am 'shipped' with just about everyone I detest. I also avoid stories in which my children or any of my friends' children are having sex. Not something I want to spend much time dwelling on. I also avoid some of the more graphic James/Lily stories. Don't get me wrong, they are an incredibly cute couple, but they are Harry's _parents_ , and he's like my brother so, just no. In fact, I tend to avoid most of the stories about my world, but I digress.) If you are using pregnancy as a plot device, please try to come at it from a unique angle, or at least know enough about it that you aren't annoyingly wrong. Many of the clichés about pregnancy are not only obnoxious, they often only occur in a fraction of cases. Some of the worst offenders:

\- Bizarre cravings all the time

\- Horrible morning sickness

\- Surprise labor on the side of the road

\- "You did this to me"

\- Eating for two

 **Morning Sickness**

Not everyone spends the first three months of pregnancy with their heads in a toilet. Symptoms range from slight food aversions to hyperemesis gravidarum. The latter is the condition Kate Middleton suffers from that required her to be hospitalised during her pregnancies. (Of course I know who she is! She is so classy! And unlike the refined, elegant women in my world, she isn't obsessed with blood purity.). Most women are somewhere in the middle. And each pregnancy is different. With Rose I couldn't go anywhere near raw meat without vomiting, and with Hugo I had about three bad days but was perfectly fine the rest of the time. Ginny's morning sickness was more or less nonexistent - she attributes that to growing up with the twins, bragging that nothing can make her sick after they, well I'd rather not say, but it was revolting and the entire house smelled like rotten cabbage and unwashed cats for a week.

Oh and 'morning' sickness is a misnomer. It can happen any time of day. For me it was the worst in the early afternoon.

 **Finding Out About A Pregnancy**

I once read a story in which a girl was in a -shall we say- _compromising situation_ with a young man and woke up vomiting the very next morning. Morning sickness is usually not the first sign of pregnancy. It's impossible to find out until a couple weeks after conception, at least with the current Muggle technology. (And the potion can tell only two days before that, because the body doesn't know it is pregnant until after the embryo attaches to the uterine wall.). A pregnancy test will show the happy (or sad, depending on the situation) little plus sign a few days before a missed period. By the way, conception occurs midway between menstrual periods, although it can happen days before or after that midpoint. I can personally attest to that - Hugo was an acci- _surprise_.

Before morning sickness, the first symptoms of pregnancy are sore breasts, tiredness and a heightened sense of smell. These come about the same time as the missed period. Morning sickness starts a couple weeks after that, although everyone is different. If a girl isn't paying close attention to her cycle or it's fairly irregular, morning sickness can be the first sign she notices.

 **Contraception and Fertility**

While we're talking about pregnancy, I'd like to take a minute to talk about preventing pregnancy. No contraception method is perfect, although some are better than others. Not to mention, some methods work almost perfectly when used correctly, but are difficult to use correctly.

Why is teen pregnancy so alarmingly common? Teens are more prone to risky behavior and have less access to quality birth control methods. Not to mention, young people are, on average, more fertile than older people.

Honestly, a major pet peeve of mine is when characters are having all sorts of risky sex and no one has any consequences. It happens all the time, in the media as well as in fanfiction. Just about the only accurate portrayal of the consequences of lots of sex in popular media was Season One of Greys Anatomy when Christina got pregnant, half the hospital got syphalis and Merdith spent the entire season sleeping with a man she didn't know was married.

In fanfiction, Sirius Black is usually expert at contraception potions, nobody ever gets horrible magical STDs, and Katara has magical bloodbending birth control. (Yes, I read ATLA fanfics. We watched the entire series as a family. Ron has a bit of an unhealthy love for Sokka. The episode where the library sinks into the desert makes Rose cry. Meanwhile, Hugo went through a phase in which he referred to himself in third person, like The Boulder.). The world if Avatar is based heavily on ancient Asian society, so writers in that fandom should think of a logical birth control that fits in that world. Or work a lack of good birth control into their story. Conflicts and challenges make for a far more interesting story after all.

You know, the Romans had an herb that was an excellent contraceptive, but the Muggles think they used it until it went extinct. It's a magical herb, and after the enactment of the International Statute of Secrecy, every reference to it in the Muggle knowledge base was altered. We still use it today. It's not 100% effective, though, just ask Mrs. Weasley.

 **Nine Months**

Nine months, forty weeks, FOREVER... How long does pregnancy last?

The answer is all of the above. If measured from the date of conception, a pregnancy is nine months long. The medical community measures a pregnancy from the start date of the last menstrual period, which means conception occurs at week two.

Of course very few women give birth on their actual due date, but more on that later.

 **Eating for Two**

Babies are tiny! They need approximately 500 calories a day. Babies in the womb need closer to 300. Eating more than 300 extra calories makes you gain more weight than you should.

 **Cravings**

I had a few cravings here and there, but I am proud to say I never woke Ron up in the middle of the night and made him go buy brownies. That's incredibly inconsiderate. I'm a rational human being, even when my hormones are going crazy. Most women are the same way, although Neville told us a rather amusing story of Hannah making beef stew at four in the morning last week. Of course, he was beaming the entire time he told it because he is just so excited he and Hannah finally get to be parents.

By the way, I thought the pickles-and-ice-cream thing was a myth until Luna was expecting her twins. If course, with Luna there is no way to tell if she ate that bizarre combination twice a week because she was pregnant or because she was _Luna_.

 **Due Dates**

Due dates are based on the statistical average length of a pregnancy. Only about four percent of women give birth on their due date. Everyone else is either early or late. I found a chart that tells your likelihood of going into labor on any given day and drove Ronald crazy by waking up every morning saying something like, "Today there is a 4.2% chance I'll have the baby today.". Then I cried on my due date because I had been so sure I would be one of the lucky ones whose baby came early, but not so early that they were unhealthy. Ginny had James a full two weeks before she was due. I hate to say it but I was incredibly jealous. I was emotional and huge and swollen, and I couldn't get comfortable, no matter what I did. I may have thrown darts at Ginny's picture. It was not a moment I look back on with pride.

 **Labor**

Average labor for a first time mother takes fourteen hours. Since it is incredibly painful, most women recognize they are in labor long before the baby comes and have plenty of time to get to the hospital. While water breaking is a sign of labor, it is often not the only sign, nor is it the first sign. Yes, some women are walking around when they suddenly gush water, and that's how they know they are in labor. More commonly we have intense, frequent, regular incredibly painful contractions. If a woman has painful contractions three to five minutes apart for an hour, she should get to the hospital or send someone for a healer.

Labor is horribly painful. Not all women react to pain the same way. Most of us don't spend the entire time yelling at the men saying, "You did this to me.". We also dont spend the entire time screaming. You try screaming for twelve hours straight and let me know how that goes. Many women opt for some sort of pain relief these days. Many don't. It depends on the person, but they usually get a choice in the matter.

Well, that seems like a good start. Happy writing! Again, please let me know if you have questions or topics you want me to address in more detail.


	2. Chapter 2

**Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss**

Miscarriage happens in about twenty percent of pregnancies, usually in the first trimester. The most common reason for a miscarriage is a problem with the baby's early development. The body elects not to carry the baby to term if it has chromosomal abnormalities or developmental issues severe enough that the baby likely wouldn't survive. This is no one's fault! Because miscarriage isn't talked about much, many people don't understand it. Many women feel alone when going through this. I can't emphasise enough that it is more common than you know, and telling good, sympathetic people about a miscarriage will only help. Miscarriage is incredibly difficult to deal with alone.

Pregnancy loss after 20 weeks is known as stillbirth. It is often more difficult to deal with than miscarriage because the mother has been pregnant for longer. (Though miscarriages should not be minimized by this. A pregnancy loss is a pregnancy loss, ar twelve weeks or forty.). She has probably felt her baby move. She may have a name picked out. She probably knows the gender and may have already bought some newborn clothes, or started decorating the nursery. She is getting excited and preparing to be a mother. Loosing that can be devastating.

In fiction, characters who loose a baby are often in some sort of accident or drink or make other lifestyle choices that lead to pregnancy loss. This is much less common in real life. A full 60% of miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities. Most of the rest happen because of physical problems the mother has, or an infection. Again, it's not usually the mother's fault. A lot of people feel guilty about a miscarriage because of the way it is viewed in society. Please don't perpetuate that lie. And if your character feels guilty about her miscarriage, please make it clear in an author's note that no one should feel guilty about pregnancy loss that wasn't their fault.

As an author, you have the power to shape people's perceptions through your writing. Please be careful about how you handle sensitive topics like this. Don't pass along societal misconceptions. Do your research and your writing will be more powerful. You have the power to do a lot of good if you treat this topic carefully, but you can do a lot of harm if you don't.

 **Infertility**

Some women take a long time to get pregnant. Others get pregnant right away. Some can't have babies at all, even with fertility treatments. This is a sensitive issue, so be careful how you write about it. Please do your research and understand the emotional impact of fertility problems before writing about them.

Also, recognize that every body is different. Sometimes infertility is caused by age, sometimes it's an underlying medical condition. Sometimes it's easy to diagnose, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it is the result of a problem with the man's reproductive system. This is emotionally difficult for men, but it usually affects them differently than it does women. Please do your research!

 **Mpreg (Male Pregnancy)**

First things first: there are no documented cases of humans becoming pregnant if they don't have female reproductive organs. Unless you are writing an AU where your characters are seahorses, you are dealing with a medical impossibility.

Second, this is a majorly polarizing issues. People either love it or hate it. You won't change anyone's mind, so please don't waste your time trying. Instead, go write a nice review for a story you love.

Last, I just want to thank the mpreg writers for making sure to mention it in the story summaries. Mpreg is not something I would want to stumble upon by accident, especially a few chapters into a story I like. And because the authors of mpreg stories are so good about posting warnings, I never have. We all could do to follow their example when we write about things some people may not want to read.

 **Misconceptions About Labor**

 _Men being useless during labor_ : Ron was in the room the whole time I was in labor, both times. Well, he took a few bathroom breaks and went to grab a sandwich. (By the way, you can't eat while in labor. So he was not allowed to eat in my presence.). Anyway, we took a class that told us what to expect, and Ron was a lot of help through the whole process. Of course, Ron is incredibly brave - he followed his worst fear into the Forbidden Forest at the age of _twelve_ for Merlin's sake- so maybe he's the exception. Also, not only was he incredibly supportive, but it's worth noting that I didn't break his hand or threaten him with violence once during either birth.

 _Labor as a traumatic event:_ Well it's not a stroll in the park, but women often have more than one child, so the benefit obviously outweigh the horror of it all. We kind of tend to forget/gloss over how bad it was. Mostly labor is a lot of pain, with a couple hours of pushing at the end. Sure there's a lot of blood, but the person in labor doesn't see most of it. There is also a lot of bleeding for a week or two afterwards. We menstruate every month for years. Postpartum bleeding is worse than the worst period of your life, but you can handle it. Let's just say they have those giant hospital pads for a reason. Honestly though, recovery is harder than labor. Taking care of a new baby, all the sleep deprivation, plus the pain of recovery is not fun, to say the least. I'm so grateful I had Ron and my mother and Mrs. Weasley to help out. And Harry and Ginny took Rose for the week after Hugo was born. That made it so much easier. By the way it takes a good six weeks to truly get back to feeling like yourself after you have a baby.

 _Spending the entire time in a hospital bed:_ Really, that's the worst place to be. It makes the pain more difficult. Lots of women walk around, rock in a rocking chair or sit on an exercise ball. When Ginny had Al, the doctor didn't think her labor was progressing fast enough, so he broke her water. She had to stay in a bed for over an hour after that, because when the water is broken artificially, there is a risk of the umbilical cord slipping out and getting pinched somewhere. So Ginny was in that bed for over an hour and she did start threatening violence, not to her husband, but to the hospital bed. If a character gives birth in the modern Muggle world, they can get an epidural. This numbs the entire body from the abdomen down. In that case, the woman does spend her entire labor in a hospital bed and can't really walk around well for a few hours after. Many doctors prefer that delivery happens in a hospital bed, because it is easier for them that way, but it is not unheard of for a woman to give birth in a different position. Many women have strong emotions attached to the way in which they think they should give birth. Tread carefully here and remember that different methods work better for different people.

 **Nesting**

This is the term for the urge to decorate, organize, or make casseroles that happens at the end of pregnancy. It's fairly common, but not as dramatic as it is often shown in fiction. And it happens throughout the second and third trimester, not always as an indicator that the character is going into labor soon. It really depends on the person.

 **Author's Note:** If I missed anything or for something wrong, please let me know. I'm also very happy to clarify details or answer questions.

Also, if you have suffered a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, know that you are not alone. You may be surprised to find out that a good friend or even your own mother went through the same thing. You may never know unless you tell them about your own loss. I promise that sharing your experience will help you get through it easier. I've been there. And if you have no one to talk to about it, please feel free to send me a PM.


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione's note:. I suppose I should include a disclaimer. In case the fact that I don't own Star Wars isn't glaringly obvious, I don't own Star Wars. Im also not making any money from this story. Is there some sort of legal requirement for this disclaimer? It seems glaringly obvious that this is a fan fiction site. I never really had a chance to study Muggle law. I suppose it's one of those things that doesn't take much effort to do but could cause a lot of hassle if I don't. Like homework, as I tried to tell the boys for years, but I digress.

Star Wars

Last week I finally finished a massive Ministry project in collaboration with the Organization for Unbiased Treatment Of All Ghostly Entities (O. U. T. A. G. E). In need of some family time, we re-watched the Star Wars prequel trilogy over the weekend.

Aside from the desire to cast a Silencing charm on my own son after days of his quoting Jar Jar Binks, it was quite enjoyable.

However, I briefly wanted to rant -er discuss- a couple plot points from the third movie.

Now I admire Padme, I really do. If I lived in that universe, I'd like to think she and I would he friends. If we were, in fact, friends, she and I could have a nice, long chat, in which I would tell her the following:

1\. Dear, I really can't see why you're putting this exaggerated desire for secrecy above your own health. Please go to a healer - doctor - robot - whatever. Or buy one. You live in a penthouse in the capital, I'm sure you can afford another droid to take care of you.

2\. Even without a medical exam, how in the name of Merlin's most treasured spellbook can you have no idea you're carrying twins. "Hmmm, six limbs just kicked me at the same time. I wonder if I'm having twins."

3\. I guess the lack of medical care could explain why your idiot husband was worried you'd die in childbirth in a world where they can make a fully functional robotic prosthetic limb. (And sadly, your idiot husband was the reason you died in childbirth. Side note: When Ron forgot to take out the rubbish bin yesterday, he reminded me that "it could be worse, at least you didn't marry a Sith Lord.". He has a fair point.)

Well, that's about all. Though I will note that we're very excited they decided to continue the series and can't wait for Rouge One and Episode VIiI. Rey's parentage is a subject of heated debate in our house. Rose is a strong proponent of the Rey Skywalker theory. I think that's mostly because she wants to see Mara Jade in a movie. She went as Mara to a costume party yesterday and was quite perturbed that no one knew who she was. Scorpius Malfoy asked if she was _Cat Woman_. (The italics are hers, not mine. Ah to be young and dramatic.)


End file.
